Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
