Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
