just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
