Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
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