I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
