did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
