Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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