How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
