actually, I'm a sock model
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
