careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
