my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
