I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
