When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
