Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
