the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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