I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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