Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
