Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
