Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
