Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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