y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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