did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
