3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
