I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
