I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
