i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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