My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize