the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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