I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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