carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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