someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
