Your mouth is God's brothel.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize