i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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