i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
