I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Randomize
