it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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