I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
