Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You were trust falling into bushes
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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