Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize