i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My feet surprised me
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
