I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
