we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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