This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
