Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize