im drinking this country out of the recession.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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