I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize