I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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