dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Randomize