So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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