You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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