i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
