Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
