just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
