Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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