His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
