Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
