Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
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