grandma shit on top of the toilet
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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