kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
