I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
