The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
