dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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