We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
zippers are such a cool invention
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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