theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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