there was a trapeze. enough said
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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