I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
