You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
