I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
