I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize