the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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