Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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