Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
