i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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